How to talk to someone you like

If you haven’t chased a boyfriend/girlfriend yet, I have a few tricks to share with my younger friends. If you’re married, you can use this to find a business partner or a new job.

　　Tip #1: Ask for help. One of the most important centers of meeting new people is to make them valuable in your presence.

　　We often talk about being eager to help, but the truth is that it’s a very bad way for you to help a stranger. Why? Because the other person will be protected by fear – what is your purpose in being nice to me? Immediately his defenses are up.

　　Imagine: you move to a new building and you don’t know any of your neighbors. What’s the best way for you to get to know your neighbors at this point?

　　If you knocked on the door to give a gift and said, “Hello, I have some fruit for you to eat.” Do you think people would dare eat your fruit? Wouldn’t–

　　“Will it be poisoned? Will they try to knock me out and then come and steal it?” The other person’s defenses come out right away.

　　If you want to get to know a new neighbor, there’s actually a very good way to do it. You can knock on the neighbor’s door and ask for help saying, “Excuse me, I’m out of soy sauce, can I borrow some?”

　　Because soy sauce isn’t worth much, the neighbor will immediately say, “Yes, yes.” And he’ll lend it to you, and at this time he’ll feel very valuable in front of you.

　　Ching Yin: So the first tip is to ask for help, right?

　　Troupe Leader: right. Another example, in the airport you take out a ticket and ask any person, “Excuse me, I can’t find the security checkpoint, hello, where is it please?” Immediately he’s willing to help you, and he’ll find it valuable.

　　Once you start here, the later stuff is good to talk about, “Wow, you go there too …… Oh, thank you!” And you’ll start to have a conversation.

　　So no matter what occasion you’re in, the important point is to get to the heart of the psychology – make sure the other person feels valued in front of you.

　　02

　　Qing Yin: So if you want love to be successful, the girl can take the initiative to ask for help from your boy god, and the boy can ask for help from your goddess. This is one of the ways, what about the second trick?

　　Troupe Leader: If through asking for help, you have started to have contact, you can start the second move.

　　The second move is called affinity.

　　Rapport is a very simple technique in psychology called 3 minutes. If you can’t leave a good impression in 3 minutes, then all the effort you’ve made since then has been for nothing.

　　How do you get those 3 minutes? It’s very simple, there is a study in psychology that people like those things that are similar to themselves, for example, what kind of behavior the other person has, the other person touches his hair, you also touch your hair.

　　Without his conscious knowledge, you let his subconscious mind see it. In this situation, he will think how this person on the other side is the same as me?

　　Aoyumi: It’s like there’s a connection.

　　Troupe Leader: Yes, there is a connection. Another example is that the other person sits with his legs crossed and you spread your legs, this is called a total mismatch, and it becomes very difficult for the two people to connect.

　　So that’s when you also cross your legs, and the other person will subconsciously see that this person is the same as themselves.

　　In a niche psychology – NLP, it has 5 matches, these 5 matches can take the other person’s sense of affinity in 3 minutes.

　　The first fit, body language. Your movements should be the same as the other person, for example, when chatting, your hand gestures do this, I do the same, you will feel that the head of the group is the same as me.

　　The second match, the tone of voice. If the other person is very gentle, we need to be able to lower our voice and be gentle. If the other person speaks very fast and reacts very quickly, we also have to raise our speed of speech to match the other person.

　　Thirdly, the language habits of the other person. You are a language expert, have you ever found that different people have different habits of speech?

　　Qing Yin: Recently, I recorded a program with you, and I found that you love to say, “This is very simple”. I was thinking that every time I do a program, I must also say, “This is very simple”.

　　Troupe Leader: Well, you’ve caught me in the habit of saying, “This is very simple,” and when you say it, I think you’re just like me.

　　I often give lectures all over the country, I summarized some common phrases of several places.

　　One of the words often used by people in Northeast China is “how to get it done”, they like to say “get it done”; Cantonese people like to say “how to get it done”, Cantonese people like to say “get it done”; Central Plains people like to say “get it done”; Central Plains people like to say “get it done”; Central Plains people like to say “get it done”. The Guangdong people like to say “how to get”, Guangdong people like to say “get”; the Central Plains people, Zhengzhou area, they like to say “get”, “how to get le”.

　　So we have to “whole” with the northeastern people, with the Guangdong people to “engage”, with the Central Plains to “get”.

　　The fourth match is the other side’s time orientation. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, do you know how to look at a person’s heart through his eyes?

　　Qingyin: I really don’t know.

　　Leader: When I asked you the question, your eyes immediately “brushed” and looked upward. When you are looking upward, this is your time, you are remembering something, and this is your past orientation.

　　When we know the movement of a person’s eyes, we can know which side of his past is on, which side of his future is on, so we have to cooperate with him and secretly stand on his future side, not on his past side, and then it will be easier for you to talk to him about the possibilities of creating the future.

　　But if you’re on TA’s past side, you can’t enter TA’s world because it’s TA’s past world.

　　The fifth match is the most amazing match of all, which is to stay in tune with the other person’s breathing rate.

　　This is a bit difficult, we have to sit very close to each other so that we can see the rise and fall of each other’s shoulders, and then adjust our own breathing, so that when the other person inhales, you also inhale, and when the other person exhales, you also exhale.

　　This is the basic skill for us to do the therapy, when we do the therapy to enter into the inner part of the case owner, and empathize with the case owner, its the most effective and the easiest way, is to observe the breathing of the TA.

　　When I was able to adjust my breathing into the other person’s breathing rate, after just a few minutes, I was able to feel the feelings of the caseworker inside of me, and the two people started to connect.

　　Cyanide: It’s starting to be relatable.

　　Troupe Leader: Yes, that’s the second trick, by matching the five externally, an inner affinity can be created.

　　Within three minutes, the other person will be able to invisibly create a feeling of “Why do I seem to be very close to this person?”, “It seems like we know each other very well.”, “Have we met before?” ……

　　In fact, you are meeting for the first time, but in your heart, you feel that you know each other. Some of our more esoteric friends may feel that maybe we were friends in a previous life.