Why do we feel better after a fight?

Introduction to marriage psychology counseling: We look forward to an ideal marriage – no conflicts, no disputes, harmonious and beautiful. But now in life, men and women need to face many trivial matters in life together after marriage, and some conflicts and contradictions are inevitable, and quarrels and disputes are also an important process for couples to get along. Some couples quarrel more and more fiercely, not only do they not get along, but also quarrel their feelings, complain and hate each other; some couples also quarrel, but they quarrel a little, and live a loving life. Therefore, quarreling in marriage is not terrible. The key is how to deal with it in time after the quarrel, soothe each other’s feelings, and how to give both parties a step down. Marriage psychology counseling analyzes for you: How to deal with a quarrel between husband and wife?

1. Face up to quarrels and conflicts in marriage

Everyone may have some differences in their understanding of marriage, and the views of marriage between husband and wife may not be completely consistent. Some people think that if they have a dispute, it means that the two people are not suitable, that the other party does not care, understand, or love them. They feel very painful and anxious inside, and try their best to correct the other party, or choose to avoid or go into a cold war to “avoid” the escalation of the conflict, or retaliate to make the other party suffer.

In fact, this understanding is not comprehensive. Two people with different growth experiences, personalities, and original family situations get married and live together day and night. It is normal and common to have some inconsistent views on big and small things. If you correct the other party at this time, it will not only fail to ease the conflict, but often intensify the conflict. The cold war and avoidance will only create a gap between each other, causing more misunderstandings and conflicts.

Therefore, in the face of conflicts in marriage, you need to have a tolerant heart, understand the differences between the two parties, and allow some “imperfections” in the marriage and allow the other party to have some shortcomings. Of course, this is within a reasonable range.

2. Don’t say “break up” or “divorce” easily

No matter how fierce or intense the quarrel is, you must always remember that the other party is the lover you choose and the one you love the most. If you still love him/her in your heart, you must never say the words “break up” or “divorce”. In most cases, when you propose a divorce during a quarrel, it is a threat, hoping that the other party will listen to you, and that the other party will value you, or you may say something harsh when you are angry, not really wanting to separate. However, “the speaker is unintentional, but the listener is intentional”. The other party may be hurt by such words, and the seeds of insecurity, indifference, and anger may be planted in their hearts, which is not conducive to the management of marriage in the future.

Therefore, don’t say break up easily.

3. Give the other party a chance to step down

When the two parties quarrel, it is common for one party to slam the door and leave in anger. The party who leaves may be angry or aggrieved, or may want to temporarily avoid it and let both parties calm down. (When the other party is angry and emotional, it is difficult to listen to the other party’s explanation and comfort. At this time, the other party’s avoidance is also a good way to ease the conflict and avoid the escalation of the quarrel.)

In addition, the party who actually walked out will reflect after calming down, and will worry about and miss the other party. If the party who stayed can calm down and reflect at this time, and give the other party a way out when he returns home, the war will not continue.

But if the party who stayed thinks that the party who left ignored him and disrespected him, he will be even more furious. When the other party comes back to coax you and say nice things, if you are still aggressive and unreasonable, it may cause a quarrel again, or cause the other party to start to avoid or cold war against you.

4. Apologize for your emotional outburst

Maybe you feel that you have not done anything wrong, but when you quarrel with the other party, if you are also emotional, behave fiercely, or say something very hurtful, you also need to take the initiative to apologize to the other party, “I just had a bad attitude and said some hurtful words, I’m sorry.”

In fact, many couples will be anxious to reconcile with each other after a quarrel. In this case, if you still care about this relationship and don’t want to hurt the other person, why not put down your pride and take the initiative to show kindness to the other person. Some couples, after quarreling, for the sake of their own face, have been unwilling to pay attention to each other, and then they feel uncomfortable, which makes the other person uncomfortable. The two sides have been deadlocked, and it will affect the stability of the relationship for a long time.

5. Bad temper is not a reason

Most people are unwilling to associate with people with bad tempers because they are emotional, irritable, impulsive, and prone to some very hurtful behaviors. But many people think that if you love me, you should tolerate everything about me, including my bad temper.